Blended families are a topic all their own. Here, it is important to consider all the different aspects of situations and relationships within the family. Biological children, stepchildren, parental roles, responsible adults, or whatever other elements may be present.
I clearly acknowledge that before I myself went through a divorce, entered a new relationship, and had another child, along with stepchildren, etc., I did more harm than good in my sessions – it is incredibly complex, and to say that one should only focus on the child’s perspective is so naive that I have had to apologize to former clients :-). The feelings and considerations one goes through during a breakup and various major life changes can only be fully understood once you have experienced them yourself.
It is important to consider all the different aspects of situations and relationships within the family. This applies to biological children, parental roles, stepchildren, responsible adults, and any other elements that may play a role.
Sometimes, creating a new family with a new partner and their children can bring joy to everyone, while other times it leads to significant conflicts and unwanted reactions from both children and adults. In such cases, professional help, advice, and support from a psychologist can be beneficial in managing these situations.
What is a blended family?
A blended family is a family where one or both partners have children from previous relationships, meaning new “siblings,” a new mother, or a new father must be considered. Just as there can be an emotional difference between one’s own biological children and a partner’s children, there can also be an emotional difference in the relationship with the children’s biological mother or father and other adults, such as the new partner.
Read more about psychologists for blended families
A blended family is a new family structure that can present different challenges than those we already know from the nuclear family. A blended family is not a nuclear family, as it has different conditions, and the foundational element in a blended family is the partnership.
For many blended families, it can be difficult to establish shared norms and attitudes, as each person brings their own way of being a family and widely different traditions and habits.
Here, it can be difficult for both children and adults to find their role in a blended family. The child or children also have another parent who, in one way or another, influences your blended family, which can be challenging to manage.
Yours, Mine, and Ours Children
There are many reasons why life in a blended family can seem like a major challenge. Both children and adults can find it difficult and full of conflicts and disagreements.
With my help, I can assist you in discussing these matters, so you fundamentally achieve a better understanding of both your own and your new partner’s experiences of conflict-ridden situations. Through this, you will gain a more in-depth understanding of the behavioral patterns that trap you in your blended family, and I will provide you with tools that you can use to make your new family with yours, mine, and perhaps also our children function, so it becomes pleasant for everyone.
Finding a Common Path as a Blended Family
If you need to find a common path to make your new family life work, I can help you with my many years of experience as a male psychologist in Hillerød. You will fundamentally achieve a better understanding of your own, your partner’s, and your children’s experiences of the conflict-ridden situations that create a bad atmosphere in the family. Through this, you will be able to discover courses of action that align with the family life you truly wish to live.
I offer to meet with the adults alone, but it is also possible for us to meet with one or more of the children or the entire family at once. If you are unsure who should participate, you are welcome to contact me so we can find a good solution together for what would be most appropriate for you and your blended family.
Children’s Reactions in a Blended Family
Even if you adults are happy to have formed a new blended family, you cannot expect the children to necessarily be as happy as you are. They will therefore often test boundaries, such as “Does my dad still love me? Is my new stepmom there for me? What do my new stepsiblings think of me? What role/position do I have in the new blended family?” and much more.
Questions like these require that you as adults can be accommodating and thus handle the reactions that arise, set boundaries, be clear, and show the children the path you will take in your new life together. At the same time, as adults, you must also be able to give the children space so they feel heard when they are overwhelmed with emotions.
See also: Psychologist for Children
Good Communication About Challenges in a Blended Family
For a new couple to manage the challenges that often arise initially in a blended family, it requires them to talk to each other – even about the less pleasant things that you may not fully agree on. It is important to have a good dialogue about everything that may not go as you had wished and hoped, and about what is difficult, surprising, or disappointing.
At the same time, as adults, you must decide on the role and division of responsibility in raising the children of the blended family. No two families provide the same upbringing, and it is therefore important that there is agreement and clarity on this within the individual family. Especially when the blended family includes a father, mother, yours, mine, and perhaps also our children.
See also: Couples Therapy in Hillerød
Making the Blended Family Work
In a blended family, many emotions can be at stake. It can therefore sometimes be difficult to make the family function so that everyone feels safe and comfortable when the whole family is together.
Nothing can stir up emotions more than our own children, and a dilemma that can particularly arise in a blended family is the needs of our own children versus the needs of our partner and their children. This can lead to intense friction that one would rather avoid.
Sometimes dilemmas like these can feel almost insurmountable, but here it is about you as adults clarifying expectations from the start and separating things. The high expectations that you are now one big family, for example, because you now live under the same roof, are unrealistic.
If you are struggling to make life as a blended family work, you are always welcome to call me at: 20 14 70 71 or send an email to: mc@psykolog-mortencarlsen.dk to learn more about how you can make your new family life function so that everyone thrives and gets along well in your new blended family.
About Psykologhuset Enigma
We have assembled a team of experienced psychologists who offer professional treatment to a wide range of clients. Our two locations are situated in Hillerød and Copenhagen K.
We offer therapeutic treatment to adults for a variety of issues, as well as to children, adolescents, families, and couples. We have specialized further in trauma and crisis reactions.
We recognize that every individual is unique, and therefore we see it as a strength that we, as psychologists at Psykologhuset Enigma, also bring diversity into our work. Our different backgrounds and approaches allow us to apply various theories and methods when meeting each individual client. This variation ensures that you can always find a psychologist who is a good fit for you and your therapeutic needs.
Our high ethical standards and thoroughness are your guarantee of professional treatment that not only helps you now but also prepares you to handle future challenges more effectively.
